✨ Breaking Up With Your Old Life: The Self-Love Story You Deserve ✨

The best breakup I ever had wasn’t with a boyfriend. It wasn’t even with a person. It was with an entire version of my life that I’d outgrown — the city that no longer felt like home, the job that drained me, the routine that kept me small, the stale expectations of who I should be.

It was terrifying. It was messy. And it was, quite honestly, the best damn thing I’ve ever done for myself.

I used to think breakups were only about relationships with other people. But what if the relationship you really need to leave is the one you have with your old life? The one that doesn’t love you back anymore. The one that takes more than it gives. The one that keeps you stuck when you’re ready to run.

When I let go of that version of me, I fell headfirst into something wild, unpredictable, and thrilling: a love story with myself. And like any good love story, it’s got its messy moments — but three months into my new “relationship” with New York, I’m more committed to me than I’ve ever been.

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign to break up with something (or someone) that’s keeping you small — take this as your permission slip. You deserve a self-love story too.

✨ The Breakup ✨

Unfortunately for me, I’ve had my fair share of toxic relationships over the years — mostly with terrible men who saw my bright light and tried to dim it. Fortunately, that means I know the signs all too well: dreading time together, feeling anxious, ignoring my own needs to accommodate theirs… sometimes even enduring physical or verbal abuse.

Last year, I started to notice that same sick feeling creeping in — but this time, it wasn’t about a man. It was about my life in Oakland. So I did what you do when you’re testing a breakup: I switched things up. I rented out my condo to a traveling nurse and spent the summer in Sacramento, just to see how it felt.

The relief hit me instantly. I felt lighter, happier. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t enough — something in my bones told me there was a whole new life waiting for me, even further away. And just like any toxic relationship, I went back one more time to see if things might be different. Spoiler alert: THEY NEVER ARE.

Then, during a work trip to New York in November, I discovered exactly where that new life would be. I knew there was no point in wasting any more time — mine or Oakland’s. So after the holidays, I sprang into action: I found a tenant (who, conveniently, was already a neighbor and friend) and I found myself the dream New York apartment.

If you’ve been following along, you already know about the cross-country road trip and how quickly I started falling for New York, so I’ll spare you the recap. But what I didn’t admit back then was that even after all of that, I still felt incomplete. Like something was missing — something still needed to break.

On the outside, I was living my best new life. On the inside? Full-blown identity crisis. Did I make the right move? What if I was wrong? Turns out, life wasn’t done shaking things up for me.

While I was feeling trapped in Oakland, I was also feeling stuck in my job. I’d hoped that moving to New York — where an office was opening — would finally open doors for me to grow. Well, life had other plans. Instead of a promotion, I got let go.

(And for legal purposes, that’s all I can say — sorry, readers, but I can’t risk losing the generous severance I negotiated. It’s currently paying for this little Puerto Rico getaway I’m on as we speak!)

If you read my last blog, Starting Over in NYC, you know just how devastating that was for me. I remember thinking, “Oh my God, I’ve made a terrible mistake. I’ve ruined my life.”

✨ The Best Part: Falling in Love With Yourself… and Maybe Someone New? ✨

Like any breakup, this one came with a lot of emotions. But thanks to years of resilience (and way too many practice rounds with toxic men), I knew a grieving process was necessary — and I was able to see, pretty quickly, just how unhealthy my relationship with my job had become. More importantly: what an opportunity I had in front of me.

Honestly, I’d already started falling in love with New York before the job loss — taking myself out to chic dinners, Broadway shows, grabbing my morning coffee from the bodega, wandering through new neighborhoods, watching dogs at the park.

But once that pesky job was out of the way? I finally had the time — and the mental space — to go all in on this new life and rediscover who I really am. It didn’t take long to realize losing my job was the final piece of the breakup with my old life. And bit by bit, the fear and worry turned into excitement and pure joy.

I’ve always been someone who takes herself on solo dates and fun little adventures, so it’s not really what I’m doing that changed — it’s my mindset. These past few weeks, I’ve been experiencing it all in a whole new way. And let’s be honest — it hasn’t been that long, so I’m still in it. But every day, I feel more like myself again. Everything just feels so much clearer.

And as if to prove that sometimes you really do make space for better things? I’ve even landed a new job — one that feels so much more aligned with who I am now.

As I keep navigating this new chapter, I take each breath with more gratitude. Those chic dinners? They taste better now. The random adventures? Sweeter. Even simple things — like having my parents visit, or hosting a girlfriend from back home — just hit differently these days.

My horizons feel bigger. My world feels wider. And you know what? I know, deep in my bones, that anything is possible.

So if any part of this resonates with you, I invite you to ask yourself: What do I need to break up with?

Is it a job that’s draining the life out of you? A partner who takes more than they give? A city that no longer feels like home? Or maybe it’s just an old story you keep telling yourself about who you’re allowed to be.

I won’t ask why you’ve stayed — and I’ll never shame you for it. I know exactly how hard it is to untangle yourself from something that feels safe, even when it’s slowly suffocating you. It’s scary. It’s stressful. And sometimes, it’s genuinely dangerous.

But I will ask you to imagine: What would your life look like if you let go? What might happen if you broke up with what’s holding you back — and made more room for you?

Sometimes, the biggest breakups lead to the best love stories — the ones you have with yourself. And when you’re brave enough to love yourself that deeply, you open the door to other great loves too.

If you’re lucky, that new love might just be a bold, beautiful lady who accepts you exactly as you are — who challenges you to be better, who sees all the greatness you are and could be. A lady like New York.

✨ Et Voilà! We say goodbye to what holds us back — and bonjour to the life (and self-love) we actually deserve.